As a childfree woman, I didn’t have kids in mind when I was shopping for swimwear.

I chose a string bikini because that’s simply the style I like.

On a recent trip to South Australia, my wife and I chose a hotel with a pool and spa because guess what? We planned to use the pool and spa.

I put on my swimmers, which may be small but are in no way nude or illegal, and popped down to the second floor’s ‘shared’ area.

Did I expect a couple of kids? Sure. Children belong in the world and deserve to explore and experience life like the rest of us. I didn’t book an adults only retreat because I haven’t got an issue with children exisiting or playing or swimming.

Little did I know, there weren’t a couple of kids, the pool was full of them. I could hear their screaming before I turned a corner and saw them, all in clusters, wrestling and splashing.

I watched them chase away every other adult who came in without a child to supervise.

They tossed water out of the pool and into dry shoes.

They tried to swim butterfly stroke in the hot tub, whacking people as they passed.

They made a woman so uncomfortable by running their hands up and down her legs, that she got out to the pool to call the front reception for help.

I was mentally planning how I was going to respond if one of these kids smashed their skull against the tiled walls.

All while their parents circled the outside of the pool, staring with tired, dead eyes. I’m not sure why they bothered to watch, since they weren’t going to do any parenting anyway.

Several of the mothers dared to look down at my breasts in mock disgust.

As if my skin, my shape, is offensive.

Not their children’s behaviour, not their parenting, my body.

In my experience, most childfree and childless people champion the rights of women to breast feed without shame. And yet, we’re apparently not allowed to swim around their kids without loaded glares.

As a teacher, I know that from a young age children observe differences in bodies. It’s a natural part of their learning; they know who is fat or skinny or tall or short. They learn who they think are ugly. They learn what kind of clothing they like, or that they think looks wrong. Body diversity is already part of their world, regardless of what we wear.

I’m not suggesting that teachers should dress skimpy while at work, or that we should go skinny dipping around kids, but I don’t think the suggestion of nipple-less boob is going to kill them.

A drowning incident at the swimming pool might…

From a young age children can be taught about respect, consent, and boundaries. They can be taught to behave appropriately in public places (as a general rule).

For a child around three to six years old, a simple, “hey buddy, you’re in that person’s space, please move,” will often do the trick.

Having already pissed off a few of their mothers, I was in an awkward spot to say anything.

“Excuse me, I know you already hate me based solely on my clothing choices, but can you please control your son?” I’m sure that’d go down great.

I didn’t need this holiday to escape my students, but I’m increasingly feeling like I needed to escape some of their parents.

I’m sick of them expecting the impossible, while being unable or unwilling to teach their children a thing.

I’m sick of them outsourcing parenting to me, while refusing to say hello when they come into my workplace.

I’m sick of feeling like I can’t show a little skin in my personal time.

Above all, I am sick to death of parents allowing their children to disturb the lives of people who are not parents.

So, this is me reminding parents to take responsibility for their own children, and to chill out. A breast isn’t going to injure them, it’s not going to teach them anything you don’t want them to know, it’s simply a breast.

And to the rest of you, wear the bikini. Other people’s kids aren’t your problem. Let the mothers glare.

The opinions above are my own and do not necessarily reflect those of my employer.

Connect with me on Substack and Instagram.

Check out the Life Without Children list of resources curated specifically for people without children.

Wear Your Tiniest Bikini. The Kids Will Be Fine was originally published in Life Without Children on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.